Mothers Day

As you all know, my relationship with my mom has been a little less than average. We have a decent relationship now, but i still can't spend mothers day with her. Even though she has changed, she still isn't a great mom and i think seeing her on this day will make my day suck and that's not what i am aiming for.

Instead, I'm going to go spend the weekend with my dad and his sweet wife. Not my biological dad, my real dad, the man who raised me. My dad has always been there for me, he has kinda took on  both roles, my mom and dad in a way. He taught me all the things a dad should but also some of the things a mom usually does.

He taught me to be tough, have compassion, a great work ethic, how to be a great friend, a loving spouse and above all the love a parent should have for there children. 

Instead of going through the motions of mothers day with my mom, I'm going to spend it and celebrate it with the man who taught me to be a strong confident women and more importantly a great mother.

I know you don't read my blog dad, but i am truly grateful for everything you have done and continue to do for me. I am so happy i get to spend mothers day with you, I love you!

When Your Son Poops And Someone Else Finds It

I have been potty training my youngest this week and not successfully i might add.

This morning the realtor came over an hour early and as i was scrambling to get the boys dressed to go for a walk, Poe informs me he "did a turd on bathroom". Not only did this seem like an after thought of his but he gave the the crazy eyes smiled while he told me.

As i sighed deeply, almost sprinting to the bathroom, i see that the realtor and the people she is showing the house to are in the bathroom... with the turd. They quickly realize the gift my son has left me and rush out of the bathroom straight to the front door and leave.

I didn't know whether to be frustrated that my son was two feet from the toilet and pooped on the floor or be happy that i wont have to deal that particularly bitchy realtor again.

Gross and Educational

My husband and i decided to have a picnic with our some of our friends recently, well, not quite a picnic. If you can call sitting at a picnic table drinking really great beer while the kids ran around the park, a picnic, than we totally had one. Anyway, one of the wives brought up, that she had bought some really wonderful local honey and keep going on and on about it. I kinda got excited because you know what? I have a really rad story about honey...

We all know that honey tastes great and may or may not have some "healing properties" in it. But in twelfth-century Arabia they took honey to an extreme. They had this thing called mellified man, which was dead human remains steeped in honey and yes you rubbed it on your body and also took it orally as medicine. Can you imagine? They would get a 70 or 80 year old man who was willing to give his body to help others and make him only eat honey and after a month of only eating honey his urine and feces were entirely honey and then he would die. After death they would place his body in a honey filled coffin and wait a 100 years. After 100 years the body was worthy of healing ailments.

I told this story because it was relevant to what we were talking about at our picnic and its such a cool story, everyone was disgusted. LOL. This may or may not be one of the reasons i have no real friends. This is the kind of stuff i like to read about, learn about and than talk about. My husband hates this and gives me enormous amounts of shit for reading books that are gross, funny, and strange in his eyes. All the stuff i find interesting he finds incredibly raunchy. The way i look at it, the raunchier and if you can throw sleazy in there, the better.

One of my favorite books is called Stiff: The Curious lives of human cadavers by Mary Roach. That's where that honey story came from. Actually anything from Mary Roach, she also wrote one called Bonk which is about sex and the history of it, the scientific history.  Great reads, science is so cool! There is so many awesome science books out there, everything i have recently read i had to re-read over and over again because it was so interesting.

Even when i was a little girl i found this stuff fascinating. I remember having a conversation with my mom (remember my mom is a little out there so to speak) about some science books i had been reading, i think i was about 12. She asked me if i wanted to kill people, she actually thought that i would become a serial killer when i got older. What a dumb B!

That wasn't the only time someone took my curiosity and eagerness to learn out of context. I told my grandmother when i was a senior in high school that i wanted to go to college to be a forensic anthropologist. My high school made you pick a major when you were a freshman and you had to stay with it your entire high school career(which is dumb i might add). I picked criminal law, it was really interesting and i also got to go on ride along's with detectives and other kids of cops, which was really fun and interesting, the stories i could tell you...But my grandmother who i was living with at the time, told me only weirdo's go to school for that and she didn't want me to be a weirdo. I told her that most of those weirdo's love there job and make a decent amount of money. She still said no, so i didn't take classes that would lead me into loving something i could do for a living.


I don't understand why anyone wouldn't be interested in this stuff, its so cool and fascinating. I like to take adventures when i read, funky adventures. I like to read books that will give me intense, strange  dreams, maybe even nightmares. I can't get into a fictional book like i can one about the brain or what people used to use for condoms long ago. I may be strange maybe a bit eccentric, but if you ever go to a party with me be prepared to laugh your ass off watching peoples faces when i tell them of all the different foreign objects found in the human body, or some other fascinating little tid bit.

Why Can't People Be Happy For Each Other?

My little boys are sarcastic, funny, and above all there own men, which makes me a very happy mama. They may be a little effeminate but i think it will make them better husbands and fathers when the time comes. What matters most to me is that they are happy and being themselves. My husband is a sensitive man and i love it, i think i am a very lucky women to have a man who is sensitive to my feelings and goes above and beyond to make me feel special and needed.

I can't tell you how many women tell me that i am going to make my boys gay by cuddling, kissing and being sensitive to there feelings too much. Can you believe this? How can you give your boys to many kisses? I may lose some of my readers, or piss some of you off but I'm going to say something that i truly believe 100%. You can't make someone gay, and if you believe that you are idiotic.

My husband and i didn't go the all blue way with the boys, color didn't matter to us. Its the same thing with toys So when we showed up for a Easter party and my son had a pink binky, shit hit the fan because i was going to make my boy gay because he was wearing pink or using something made for a girl. People also got bent out of shape because my boy wanted to play with the other kids who happened to be playing my little pony and dolls.

Needless to say i almost got in a fight, we didn't see these people any longer. Some of them were friends and some were family, it didn't matter. After going through to much shit as a kid and teenager i look at life like this: If you bring stress, unkind words or dishonesty to my life or my kids, i will cut your ass out. I don't care if we are close friends or family. That my sound harsh or even terrible, but i have put up with to much of it in my life, i know how it feels to put up with it on a daily basis. I love my children to much to make them feel bad for being themselves or wanting to do something that will make them happy.  If your not bringing something positive to my life or my kids, you don't deserve to be a part of it and you know what? My life is pretty fucking wonderful!  

Why is this even an issue? Why can't other people just be happy for you, be happy your children are healthy and love life? In my opinion there is already to much stress and unhappy situations in life, why create more unnecessarily.

In one of my last posts i said something like.. my oldest is either going to be gay when he gets older or the most sensitive and sweetest heterosexual men alive. I got a decent amount of shit for writing this. I said this half joking, I honestly don't care either way. My son will be four in a month. I think it is to young to tell and really i just want him to be happy.

My boys are smart. We don't have a lot of money, but we have a lot of love for each other and my husband and i dote upon our kids. They know the things they like and the things they don't. They are not afraid to do something even if it may make them look silly as long as it will make them happy or laugh. So what if my oldest boy likes to take candle lit baths with juice in a fancy glass, don't you? He also likes tools and trucks. Why should it have to be gender specific?

"Gender rolls" can suck it. I want my kids to be well rounded people. My husband knows a lot about wine and great food, i don't. I can fall a tree and fix almost anything wrong with our car, he can't. I want our boys to know and feel comfortable doing all these things. I want them to be happy and knowledgeable. I don't want them to feel confined to some stereo typical role or life whether they are gay or straight.

I'm going to support my boys 100% no matter what as long as they are doing something that makes them happy. If it makes you feel good i believe you should do it. I don't have any issues with this as long as your not hurting yourself or someone else in the process.

If you pissed off by this you should stop reading my blog. For those of you who have sent me mean or hurtful messages please stop reading my blog or at least have the decency to stop writing rude comments. Your wasting your time, my mind is made up your not going to change it. I am happy with the life i have made for myself and family.

Meeting MFKL

I have recently had a few people ask me how MFKL and i met. It's kind of a funny story, not a real romantic one and not one i will tell our boys until they get older, but i guess that's kind of our style.

We met in Seaside at a party. This guy from Safeway had been asking me for about a month to come to one of his sexy parties, i thought he was kinda creepy so i made something up everytime he asked. I finally got sick of him asking, i went to the store almost everyday and had to turn him down everyday. I told him i didn't have plans for the first part of the night but i might have to leave early due to something or another, i don't remember exactly what i told him, i just knew i might need a excuse to leave at some point.

When i got there, there was only 4 people and they were all guys. Not really my idea of a sexy party but i was willing to at least stay to learn peoples names. Because Seaside is such a small town i already knew about half of the people (and i wasn't impressed with them) which left only two. One was named Jack and he was doing some drugs so, i was not really interested in getting to know him and the other was named MFKL.

When i got there he was drinking homemade cider on the balcony outside over looking the river. As i was being introduced to the only other guy MFKL walked in and shook my hand and introduced himself. It wasn't to long before a few other people showed up and everyone but MFKL and i were doing some sort of drugs which we were not really into. So we stepped outside on the balcony and drank beer and talked.

He told me the host was a weirdo and this was the last one of his sexy parties he was going to and i told him this was my first and my last because he was a creep and kept bugging me. He asked me about my tattoo's and him about his cider he was drinking and made himself. It was getting late and i had to work in the morning(this was when i was doing concrete). I was enjoying getting to know MFKL but did not like the environment we were in, the "sexy" party was getting really weird.

MFKL walked me to my truck. I should add that he was incredibly drunk, the cider he made had wormwood in it and was so potent that you would get a hangover while drinking it. While he was walking me to my truck he pulled out his dick, lol. I know how this sounds but it was really funny and kind of endearing. I didn't feel weird or afraid one bit, he is just a really goofy guy who is pretty sure of himself.  He asked me to touch it kind of giggling and i told him i had to go, giggling myself. This was my first encounter with a drunk MFKL and we parted ways with me smiling and laughing. 

We didn't exchange phone numbers and neither of us knew where each other lived. About a week or two later i was grocery shopping with my sisters and we were in the wine aisle buying pasta when the wine steward walked up to me and asked "Did we meet last week? Are you Brittnee?" I was a little surprised he remembered because he was so tipsy and a little surprised he recognized me because i was in my work clothes, something way different than my "party clothes". I was basically covered in concrete, wearing jeans, boots, a hickory and a hat, lol. I was also thrown a little off because i didn't know he was the wine steward.

He asked for my number that day while i was picking up some pasta and have been almost inseparable since. Again, not a really romantic story but funny and memorable to me. 

How Lucky Am I?

My oldest son Enzo is either going to grow up and be gay or, the sweetest most sensitive heterosexual man alive. I swear this little boy knows exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it.
Now don't get me wrong, he does say things like "Your boobs look like old lady boobs" and "You have a belly mama." But i forget about all those things when he says incredibly sweet things.

This morning guess what he said? We were listening to Queen and the song "Your my best friend" came on. I hadn't even noticed, it was kinda in the background as i was cleaning the kitchen and Enzo comes in and says..
"Mama, i love this song, turn it up"
I stopped what i was doing and started listening.
I said "oh yeah, this is Queen, this is a good song"
Enzo said
"No mama, this is our song, cause your my best friend"
Oh, my goodness, my day went from being mediocre to being awesome with one little sweet sentence out of my sons mouth. I am so lucky to have such a sensitive and caring son, i just hope he still thinks I'm his best friend when he's a teenager.