How Lucky Am I?

My oldest son Enzo is either going to grow up and be gay or, the sweetest most sensitive heterosexual man alive. I swear this little boy knows exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it.
Now don't get me wrong, he does say things like "Your boobs look like old lady boobs" and "You have a belly mama." But i forget about all those things when he says incredibly sweet things.

This morning guess what he said? We were listening to Queen and the song "Your my best friend" came on. I hadn't even noticed, it was kinda in the background as i was cleaning the kitchen and Enzo comes in and says..
"Mama, i love this song, turn it up"
I stopped what i was doing and started listening.
I said "oh yeah, this is Queen, this is a good song"
Enzo said
"No mama, this is our song, cause your my best friend"
Oh, my goodness, my day went from being mediocre to being awesome with one little sweet sentence out of my sons mouth. I am so lucky to have such a sensitive and caring son, i just hope he still thinks I'm his best friend when he's a teenager.

Puss Puss the kitten

My boys have this game they call kitty. They made it up all on there own and is by far the game they play the most. It consists of one of them acting like a kitty and the other being the kitty owner. The kitty usually doesn't talk but if it does the boys use a really high pitched voice. They love this game and i like it because they always are really nice to each other when they play. They give each other soft touches and pretty much act like you would around a new baby or baby kitten.

Last night they kids were playing kitty. I was in the kitchen making dinner when i heard this...

"Come here puss puss"
(this caught my attention but i didn't say anything because puss puss isn't bad)

"You need to listen better little pussy. I think i need to give you a bath your a very dirty and stinky pussy. Come on big puss puss lets go for a walk, mama is laughing at us lets go be alone."

OMG, i for a second thought i was dreaming. We don't use the term puss puss or pussy when talking about kittens or cats. I asked Enzo, of course after i was done laughing my ass off, where he heard the term puss puss. He said it was that new show he watched yesterday. Back up to yesterday, i was in the shower and the boys show ended so Enzo took it upon himself to find a new show. I don't exactly remember what he was watching but it was a British show and i guess they use the term puss puss when talking about kittens and cats..Thank God! I was really hoping it wasn't something MFKL was watching and the kids picked up on certain conversations.

The boys don't usually wear costumes when they play kitty or doggy d. (doggy d. is one where they are dogs, lol). But sometimes they do, my boys love to dress up and make believe. This is a picture of Enzo in his doggie d outfit.

Bonus=Boner

Both my boys call there erections a "Bonus". As in "Look i got a bonus". This all started because my husband, when the boys were little, used to say boner whenever they had one. When Enzo stated to get a little older i told MFKL he needed to start calling it something else. I didn't want little Enzo running around at great grandma's house saying boner!

 A couple weeks went by and i had almost got MFKL to stop pointing out the kids boners, it was very hard for him though because he was so proud of his little boys pee pee's lol, must be a daddy thing. I was changing Enzo's diaper and he said
"Papa, look i got a bonus"
I wasn't sure at first what i had heard, i asked him again what he said and sure enough he said bonus not boner, which was really funny and also something he could say without great grandma getting offended so it stuck. I am still not sure if he forgot the word papa was using or if he had just been hearing it wrong the whole time, but regardless it was funny and something we all started saying.

Since that day we have called all boners, bonus. This has caused some confusion though for the kids. For example, my dad was visiting us a few weeks ago and he was asking about my husbands bonus at work, the extra money he gets from doing a good job. Enzo was very confused. He walked up to me a few minutes after my dad left and he said
"Why was grandpa talking about papa's pee pee? I thought it wasn't polite to talk about other peoples pee pee's" 
This wasn't the only time we had some confusion. MFKL often takes the boys on little adventures with him on the weekends so i can have a little time for myself or catch up on the house work without the kids up my butt. On this day he had taken Enzo with him to the bank. The gal they were talking to had mentioned a bonus if we were to deposit some money or move something around because when they got home Enzo told me that the lady at the bank was talking to papa about his pee pee and was really confused because your not supposed to talk to strangers about your privets. I'm sure you can imagine my suprise and MFKL when he said this, i wish i would have taken a picture of MFKL face when Enzo put forth his information!

This is where that quote came from in my week 2 blog post. Porter was running and poked himself on the corner of the table right in the "bonus".

My family as I'm sure yours, has lots of little inside jokes and sayings, but i have to say this is one of the gems. My sisters now say bonus and so do friends, i think this is one we will be saying even after the boys grow up and quit saying it.

Expressing Feelings Can Be Funny

I have been teaching my boys to express themselves verbally. Like if they are happy they should say so, it might make someones day or if they are sad they should speak up so we can do something to make them feel better. It's been working really well and have had less fits thrown.

My youngest Porter was having a hard day last week. Anything and everything Enzo and i did made him more mad. I finally asked Poe if he was grumpy, he of course said yes, so i told him that he needs to tell me when he is grumpy so Enzo and i can be more sensitive around him and give him a little more space than normal so we don't unintentionally make him more mad.

Since this happened, everyday Poe will walk out from his nap and say
"I grumpy"

I ask him everytime why are you grumpy? You don't have to be grumpy, what can i do to make you happy? And this is what he tells me
"I grumpy, I wanna be grumpy, just let me be grumpy!"

This has gotten to the point that i hysterically laugh out load when he says it. I am fairly certain he does it on purpose now to make me laugh. Most of the time he says it now, he is smiling.
This is Poe's grumpy face! He also has tiger scratches on his face from the rose bushes he fell into while we were gardening.

I will never have to vacuum again!

What did i ever do so right in this life to deserve a little boy who loves to vacuum?

I have to normally fight tooth and nail to get him to clean his room, but if i tell him he can vacuum his room only if his toys are cleaned up, its clean in like 2 minutes. I love my little Fire Ball, he loves to clean, he loves to rub my back, he loves flowers and jewelry, he tells me daily that I'm very pretty (even though he thinks boobs and vaginas are really gross) and throws way fewer fits then his brother and papa. I think he may be the only perfect man in the world.

Boobs

I saw this picture on another blog and it made me think of my sweet Beefcake.

 One day after i got out of the shower Beefcake was watching, more like staring at my boobs while i was putting my bra on. I giggled a little and asked him what he was looking at. He said "Boobs". I laughed and then asked him "do you like boobs?" he smiled shook his head up and down and said "Love them!" My little two year old is already just like is daddy.

Call me Batman

This is what i heard this morning before i even opened my eyes. Of course the boys magically ended up in the big bed.

Beefcake: Fire Ball wake up, up, open eyes

Fire Ball: (Really long moan, Grunt and then a fart)

Beefcake: Fire Ball up now, go get bad guys

Fire Ball: Don't call me Fire Ball, my name, my name is Batman...

Beefcake: Batman, get up, get bad guys now! 

Fire Ball even talks with his own version of a Christian Bale type raspy voice.

Eat your heart out Christen Bale.

"The elements of a good turd"

So my newly potty trained son and i were talking in the bathroom today while he was going number 2 and he said to me "mama, do you know what the elements of a good turd are?"
Me laughing really hard trying to answer him but not able to get anything out he says "well do you? Let me just tell you, 1. celery 2. hummus 3. crackers 4. carrots. If you eat those things it will make a really good poop!"
Oh my god, i seriously laughed for a half hour after he told me "the elements of a good turd". I am very proud of my son for several reasons after hearing his thoughts. 1 He is using the potty and has only had one accident since he started using the potty. 2. he is only 3 and knows the word elements, and used it properly in a sentence. 3. He knows that if he eats high fiber food he will make a "really good poop".
Boys are fun!

This show is to sexy for me

Last night my boys were so exhausted. When they get really tired they will get the giggles and laugh at anything and everything, its really fun to watch. But last night they reached the stage of being tired that comes right after the uncontrollable laughing, the one where they are little demons.

When MFKL got home i greeted him at the door, gave him a kiss and warned him of the boy's mood. They were sitting quietly  in the living room so MFKL and i decided to stay in the kitchen and have a couple of beers before the kids reliezed they hadn't terrorized us in a while.

I guess i had left the t.v. on cause Fire ball yelled from the living room.

"I can't watch this show, it's to sexy"

Laughing we went into the living room to see what he was watching. It was that show Rules of Engagement. I don't know if you have seen this show but its not to sexy, not a bad show but definitely not sexy.

The stuff that comes out of that kids mouth.

You a bad boy Mama

My son Fire Ball used to call everyone boys, including mama. He went through a faze where if i did anything he did not approve of like make him sit a the table to eat he would say:

"You a bad boy mama"

He unfortunately stopped saying it about a year ago and i kinda miss it. I would always laugh so hard. Last night MFKL came home and said,

"You a bad boy mama"

I laughed and Fire Ball comes walking into the kitchen with a pissed off look on his face.

"Mama, is not a boy, and she hasn't been bad either. Papa don't you know Mama has a vagina? She has no pee pee! You are a big boy  you should really talk to your Mama about teaching you about vagina's" 

Oh. My. God.
Laughed my ass off! I think i even peed a little, i was laughing so hard. MFKL just stood stunned looking at Fire Ball.

I'm a terrible mother

So, my 2 year old son has called my oldest boy a bitch twice in two days. I think it might be time to tone down my potty mouth just a little. They hear all the things i say when i don't think they are listening and hear none of the things i want them to hear.

Last night the boys were running from one end of the house to the other and this is what i heard.

Fire Ball: "You can't catch me Beefcake."

Beefcake:"I'm going to get you bitch"

I swear to god this is what i heard, i know this is bad and I'm a really terrible mother not only for my two year old saying the word bitch but for laughing hysterically before stopping him to tell him that its a bad word. 

Then this morning, (again not one of my best parenting moments) I heard the boys arguing about something in Fire Balls bedroom. As i grab my coffee to head down the hall, the kids ambush me in the kitchen.

Fire Ball: "Beefcake called me that bad word again"

Me: "What bad word" 
I really had already forgotten about the night before.

Fire Ball: "You know, bitch"

Me: "oh, that bad word. Well, were you acting like one?" 
As the words were coming out of my mouth i totally winced, knowing full well what i just said was not OK. 

Fire Ball: "yes i was, but that's not the point! He's not supposed to say bad words."

Has it really come to this??? My 3 year old is giving me parenting advice. I really am a lucky mama, to have such a funny, smart, loving little boy as my own and to keep me from failing completely as a mom. I am also lucky and blessed to have another beautiful, smart, pain the the ass son who is just like me.

Workin Man Fire Ball

My boy is pretty creative he has wanted a tool belt forever, let me tell you that its really hard to find a kids tool belt that isn't $50. So he used his head and came up with this idea. It made me laugh a lot. I'm not sure of the situation where you would need a saw, screw driver, letter A and a couple of plates but, looks good to me.

This was a couple months ago, and i did find a real tool belt for him. Lowe's has a really kick ass kids carpentry set for only $10

It even has rainbow suspenders, totally matching Fire Balls personality.

My boy loves jewlery

A few days ago MFKL gave me pearl earrings for our anniversary. Fire ball loves jewelery, i think he was way more into my earrings then me. Before i could even say thank you to MFKL Fire Ball said "oh my mama, these are so beautiful. They will go very nicely with your necklaces papa got you!"
I'm totally not making this shit up! Fire Ball is definitely his own man, he is very sensitive and very smart.

A few weeks back i decided to wear my pearl necklace when we went out. It's not to often that we go out and usually when we do i am lucky if i am wearing jeans, let alone jewelry. Which if i am being honest am not a huge fan of wearing anyway. But here i was wearing my pearls and right before we leave Fire Ball walks to me and sit by me on the couch. This is what he said.

Fire Ball: Mama, your wearing your pearls. They look very beautiful on you. Can i touch them?

Me: Sure sweetie, just be careful. 

Fire Ball: (now cupping the pearls gently in his tiny hand) These are so beautiful, really lovely mama. 

Me: I'm glad you like them, when you grow up if you have a little girl i will give her my necklace when she gets old enough to take care of it.  

Fire Ball: No, i think that i want them. They are very beautiful and i think they would look good on me. Also i think i want to pearl bracelet to go with the necklace, OK mama? Valentines is coming up so you remember that! 

At this point i was laughing so hard i could not respond to him. I love my boys. I know i bitch about all three of them a lot, but i am so in love with each of them. They are all very unique and have funny little quirky things they say and do daily that makes me smile and love them so much!

Enough of this mushy shit, Fire Ball is funny right? You should check out some of my other post about funny shit my boys say.

Conversation between brothers

The boys were preoccupied one night so MFKL and i decided to take to opportunity to go have a mini make-out session. It didn't take but 2 minutes for the boys to realize we were not in the room with them anymore and decided to come find us. Naturally we heard the stamped all the way from the other side of the house and waited for them to come body slam us on the bed. But instead we heard them talking in the hall outside our room. The conversation went something like this...

Fire Ball: Beef cake you don't want to go in there

Beefcake: Why Fire Ball?

Fire Ball: Mama and Papa are being really gross, there having sex

Beefcake: Sex?

Me: No were not, were just kissing Fire Ball

 Fire Ball: I know what your really doing, and i know what sex is. 

Me: You don't know what sex is, were just kissing and kissing is not sex. 

Fire Ball: (Big sigh) I know what sex is, I'm not dumb Mama

Me: Sex is a grown up word, when you get to be a little older i will explain to you what it is and you will be really grossed out! Until then i don't want you talking about it unless its a question for Mama or Papa. Ok? 

Fire Ball: I'm not a kid, (walking away, leading his brother down the hall). Beefcake don't go in there...there's sex in there. 

Fire Ball says some of the funniest shit! I don't think we have ever talked about sex in front of him and don't generally watch things on t.v. around the kids that have questionable material for toddlers. The boy is to smart for his own good.

I have a question for you all, when is a good time to tell your kids about sex? At least answer general questions? Fire Ball is only 3 and i think a little young to be introduced. MFKL and i are very candid and open people so when we do share I'm sure he will be disgusted especially since he thinks vagina's are really gross. But that's another blog entry in itself!

Cooking Part 2

So to elaberate a little more on my last post.
I had been cooking all day or at least it felt like all day, a few hours. I made pasta sauce, a cheese plate for the kids, cheese burgers, rice and a few other things for dinners during the week. I think that preparing the meal partially on Sunday not only saves time but also my sanity during the week!

I decided to take a 5 min mama break in my bedroom, have a drink and get away from the kids while i calmed my nerves and made a to do list for Sunday before the game. 
Ball of fire comes in my room and asks me what I'm doing, and this is how the conversation went...

Ball of fire: Hey mama what are you up to?

Me: Not much just taking a mama break what are you up to?

Him: Oh, not much just wanted to give you a kiss

Me: Thank you, you are sooooo sweet,

Ball of fire: Mama you smell good, did you take a shower? You smell, you smell like a cheese sandwich. 

Me: (laughing) Oh yeah, is that a good thing?

Ball of fire: Yeah, it a great thing, i love cheese sandwiches!

Lol, my little ball of fire is so funny and sweet sometimes.

Cooking...

So apparently i smell like a cheese sandwich according to Fire Ball, and that's a good thing lol.

I will expand on this more tomorrow as i have taken some Diphenhydramine and drank some beer so i am ready to pass out!