New rules, because i don't like to get pissed on!

I cannot describe to you the feeling of waking up not once but two nights in a row to someone peeing up your back.

Last night Fire Ball took off his pull up after crawling out of his bed, crawled into mine, fell asleep and pissed all over me at 4:30 in the morning. This time i have to admit i didn't laugh. I simply said
"Oh, fuck. Come on man!"
Nobody seemed to care, MFKL didn't wake up Beefcake didn't wake up and surprisingly Fire Ball didn't wake up even though he way lying in piss and had Mama man handling him to put a towel under him since everyone else was not going to wake up so i could change the sheets.

Needless to say yet again, i made the coffee this morning. Tonight there are going to be some new rules. They might be a tad bitchy and over the top but, I'm really not into the golden shower thing, so rules there will be!

Also my youngest Beefcake still thinks he needs milk in the middle of the night, that's not going to happen anymore. I know i will be really grumpy dealing with a yelling cranky 2 year old screaming about milk in the middle of the night but at least i wont be getting pissed on and i know eventually the battle for 'night milk' will end and i will be getting way more uninterrupted sleep. So, totally worth it in the end. Plus its a huge pain in the ass to get Beefcake to brush his teeth again after drinking the milk half asleep.

Here are my new rules:

1. No drinking liquids after 6pm
       (I prefer bathing in warm water not warm piss every morning)

2. If you don't eat your dinner at dinner time, you can't get up to eat it at bedtime.
       (I don't care how skinny you are Fire Ball)

3. If you wake up and come into my bed, i will be putting you back in your own.
       (You are big boys you don't need to lay on my head and kick me in the boob every night)

4. We will only be reading 2 books, or 2 chapters of a long book at bedtime.
      (Not 10 books and 10 chapters of a long book)

5. If you miss the toilet and piss on the floor, clean it up.
     (Mama doesn't like slipping in a puddle of piss, or sit in a bunch of piss when using the toilet)

It came to my attention while writing this that my 2 year old son Beefcake, took off his diaper and pooped on the floor. He walked in the office...
"I poop in my living room, poop on floor not in my diaper" 
Wonderful.

6. If you are going to take off your diaper, i expect you to use the toilet.
     (especially if you have to poop!)

7. No saying swear words
     (I know this is a little hypocritical, but they know which ones are bad)

8. If you pick you nose, don't flick your booger at my company, please put it in a Kleenex.
     (Believe it or not, girls don't like boys who fling boogers at there faces)

9. I expect you to clean your own room, i will help but i won't do all the work.
     (I am not your maid i am your Mama)

10. Have fun, your little boys.
     (Your Mama is crazy and your Papa worries to much, please be patient with us) 

I am not a very strict mom, nor am i a heartless bitch, i love to have fun. I know some of these rules sound a little ridged but this is what it has come to. I have smart boys that know right from wrong and are usually not assholes on purpose, so i give them a more privileges and freedom to do and say what they want. But there are things that obviously need to change and i am hoping enacting these new rules, or at least attempting to follow them will help make the little changes so Mama doesn't have a freakout or drink more vodka then she should.