The Dangers Of Being a Stay At Home Mom

I was thinking while i was in the shower today (that's where i do all my best thinking), that there are so many "hazards" being a parent. As in hazardous for me! I started thinking this because i slipped on some soap the boys mashed into the bottom of the tub, than stepped on a toy and pulled the shower curtain off the rod. Hazardous. I have had a lot of jobs that have got me into some scary situations, but I still think i have gotten hurt or almost got hurt more times as a wife and mom than all my other jobs combined. This kinda freaked me out. 

This got me thinking and counting of all the accidents or scary things i have experienced while working a paying job. The first one that comes to mind was when the steering wheel of my work truck came separated from the steering column while driving over a bridge, scary shit! No really i almost shit myself, i had enough sense to try shoving the thing back into the column and luckily it worked! (I'm pretty sure after this day i started carrying an extra pair of clothes, including underwear to work with me everyday.)

As scary as that experience was, it is nothing compared to watching your two year old son do a front flip off the couch right as you walk into the living room. This is one of those times where time stands still, anything moving is in slow motion except for you mind, your mind is racing through all the possibilities of things that can go wrong, ways you kid can get hurt. Which in this instance was shit-ton. Walking into the room and seeing this made me feel like my stomach was going to fall out my ass, way worse than thinking i am going to drive off a bridge. 

When i was working as a laborer building a hospital in Eugene i had a 30ft 4X8 fall and graze my forearm, breaking it. I worked half the day before i couldn't take the pain any longer and told my boss that i thought i broke my arm and was going to the hospital. This hurt a decent amount. You know what hurts worse than a falling piece of lumber breaking your arm? Stepping on a damn army guy at 2am on your way to take a pee, tripping on the bath mat and smacking your head on the corner the the towel rack. That shit hurts way worse.

When i was a bartender i had this really big scary guy call me a cunt when i cut him off. I told the guy to get the fuck out of my bar and when he didn't listen i knew i was going to have to throw him out. I was most definitely scared because the guy was so huge and tipsy and pissed off at me since i told him he couldn't drink anymore. I yelled to the cook upstairs who was also a big scary guy, to come down and help me kick the asshole out, but before he could get down stairs the guy walked up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders and slammed me against the wall. I was sure he was going to hit me before the cook could get downstairs to help. That's when instinct kicked in and i kneed the guy in the balls, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up the stairs and outside. Definitely one of the scarier experiences when i was bar tending.

As unnerving as that incident was, i have a scarier one. Its still way more horrifying when my huge two year old comes running full blast at me screaming "POOP" with questionable brown stuff smeared on his hands. That's a harrowing experience.

Being a stay at home mom is way more hazardous and scary than any job i have ever held and situation i have got myself into. But, at the same time i have never held a job more fun, disgusting, educational and rewarding than being a mom. I don't think one exists. As hazardous every minute is with my boys, i know i couldn't live without them.